Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
