4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
