: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
