friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
