I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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