All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
