I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
