Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
