There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
