tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
