Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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