I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
