he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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