i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
