remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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