i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
