But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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