do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
why is half of my head shaved?
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