Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
