my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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