Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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