I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
