is your mom at the bar?
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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