it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
