I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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