He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
