Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
