She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
