i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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