there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
