I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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