Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
