Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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