Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
