I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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