i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
