ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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