her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You are a genius and a whore.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
