This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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