so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
