I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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