So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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