Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
