4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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