names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
