the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
