Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
