If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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