She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
