i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
