I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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