like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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