is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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