I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
