soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
