I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
