I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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